Category: Health and Fitness

Things are changing, I don’t know who I am anymore. I can’t breath, I can’t eat, I can’t exercise, I can’t think,  and mostly, I can’t sleep. My wings beneath me have been snipped away as an endurance athlete. I am terrified and living in a state of panic and depression. What is causing all of this? I visited my local naturopath and she ordered a hormone panel for me.  There results came back showing that I have very low cortisol and DHEA, which are the hormones that regulate stress and keep the adrenal glands functioning, therefore, my circadian rhythm is off and that effects everything. I’m also starting to drop in estrogen which tells me I’m starting peri menopause.

I’d say I started noticing a decline in my sleep, energy, and response to stress this past spring. I was feeling sluggish on my bike and I was responding to my kids and husband as if everything were a crisis. I was having trouble falling asleep and staying asleep, even with prescription meds. I was starting to feel out of control. Well, now I am rock bottom.

When I was first diagnosed, the hardest part for me to face was cutting way back on my exercise. Mountain biking is my favorite sport and it was the end of June, just the beginning of the high alpine rides melting out. My first reaction, was to ask my Dr for a supplement to give me more energy. She gave me some high potency adrenal support with a bit of natural cortisol. This back fired on me as it shook my nervous system into a constant state of panic. My stress was escalating and I was questioning if I was terminally ill an/or developing a severe mental illness. I went back to her and she put me on something completely opposite, theanine, a natural Xanax. This has really worked in settling down my nervous system and I have actually gained a bit more energy because I’m not exuding all my energy on panicking. However, I’m still not sleeping. I’ve had about 4 or 5 decent nights in the last six weeks. and yes, I’m still worried and it’s hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel.

If you’ve read my other posts, you’d see that it’s no surprise that I’ve created this mess upon myself. My struggles with anxiety, sleep, marriage, and obsession with exercise were the perfect cocktail to put me into this state. Now the trick is how do I reverse this? I know I need to make some major lifestyle changes(mostly with the way I think and react), but easier said then done. I’ve been prescribed to practice yoga, some meditation, and find  better ways to deal with my stressors. So far, my first step is acknowledging the fact that I need to let things  go and accept the things I cannot change. My Dr asked me if I was religious or had a God. My answer was that nature is my God. I’m allowed to go on walks when I feel up to it. Slowing things down, taking deep breaths, being patient, and enjoying the views are all what I am trying to do. So this is where I am in my journey with adrenal fatigue. Please follow me as I will continue to update my struggles and hopefully, triumphs….

 

Because I suffer from anxiety, I thrive off of fitness, especially endurance exercise. The harder and longer I push, the better I feel. I also love that endorphin rush after a long run or bike ride. I moved to the mountains for college when I was eighteen. It was the single best decision I ever made in my life. Discovering my love of playing in the mountains has saved my life in my opinion. If I had not found this outlet, I bet anything that I would be debilitated with depression and anxiety, as it runs in my family. Exercise and fresh air are my drugs of choice and I pretty much put it before anything else in my life.(selfish) Please people, if you suffer from mental illness, or not, getting outside and moving does wonders. Please read, “how exercise reduces depression, anxiety, cynicism, and anger.”

As a child, I did not have an outlet for anxiety and truly did not understand what was going on with me and why I was feeling so terrible. I can remember being in the nurses office almost every single day in 4th and 5th grade, thinking I was ill. Hello, RED FLAG. Why didn’t my parents or teachers recognize what was going on with me? Well, actually I know why. Anxiety wasn’t recognized or talked about as it is today. But I do believe my mother was aware that I had anxiety, she just didn’t know how to handle it. Luckily, as a parent I have the tools to recognize it in my kids and DO know how to handle it. For one, I believe sports/exercise are a huge help(another post on this later). Just getting kids to move and have goals will carry over into other aspects of their lives. I also want my kids to learn to be uncomfortable(although I struggle with this), as I never learned that. And all anxiety is being uncomfortable. I’m sorry, but life is unbelievably uncomfortable!

My life revolves around sleep.(selfish). I am obsessed with getting enough sleep, so much that it carries over into my children’s life. (I’ll talk about that part in minute.) I’ve always felt that I have been hypersensitive to lack of sleep and have become a terrible sleeper since my children were born and even more so as I age. And for me, that means less than eight hours. If I do not get that much sleep I have an extremely hard time pushing through my day. And since daily exercise is crucial for me because of my anxiety          (see post under anxiety and exercise), I worry about not sleeping even more so. Whereas if my husband lacks sleep, he is absolutely fine. So unfair! Therefore, I have to follow a rigid before bedtime sleep routine. Such as dim lighting in my house, no computer or phone at least an hour before bed. If my dinners are rich or fatty, I’m screwed. Definitely no alcohol. Sometimes I feel this has been my curse because I am not able to enjoy any type of evening socialization. Not that I never socialize in the evenings, but it’s rare and I wish I could more often. If I do go out in the evenings, I pretty much just resign to the fact that I’m going to have a shitty night and won’t plan on anything big the next day. My poor husband is afraid to even roll over in bed because he does not want to wake me. Yeah, if I’m woken, it’s all over for me. If he for some reason is having a restless night, he’ll go to the couch so I can rest, sacrificing his own sleep for mine(selfish). I must have about 10 different natural sleep aids(post coming soon on this), along with prescription sleeping pills and anti anxiety. I rarely use those prescriptions, but knowing that I have them makes me feel better.

Oh and then there are my kids… ever since they were born, I religiously followed a book, “Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child”and it worked so well that I am convinced that my kids were and still are great students and athletes because they are well rested. No joke, my 11-year-old daughter goes to bed at 7:45, and my 13-year-old son goes at 8:00. They don’t even question bedtime because they know it’s always been this way and I will never budge. I rarely let them have sleep overs because of my anxiety about their ability to participate in mentally and physically demanding sports and school. My husband believes I carry this to the extreme because their bedtime schedule rule our evenings. They miss out on some fun stuff, even on vacations(selfish). I believe their sleep is more important than evening activities because I am worried about them getting sick or being grouchy as I do not want to deal with that(selfish). Their sleep is also a safety net for me as I have an extreme fear of sickness(see posts under anxiety). So yeah, I’m kind of nut case when it comes to our family sleep schedule.I guess you call me the sleep nazi.